Wednesday, August 24, 2005

George W. Bush, America's Greatest Cycling President

Following the conclusion of his recent bicycle ride with Lance Armstrong, President Bush finally confirmed the rumors which had been swirling for months: he will compete in the 2006 Tour de France. "This is it," the President announced to an eager crowd of reporters. "This is why I became President: to lead the Discovery Channel team to sweet victory next year in Paris." While some in the media questioned the propriety of a sitting president chewing up the Grosse Pierre astride the eye-catching Superfahrrad, the President defended his decision. "Even though I'm President, I have the right to a balanced life," he stated. "And that means riding my bike wherever and whenever the hell I feel like it." Presidential scholars debated what the President's ultimate cycling legacy would be. "There's no question in my mind that Bush is the greatest cycling President in history," said historian Douglas Thornton. "I mean, Harding competed in a few minor events but nothing compared to what Bush has done." Other scholars weren't so sure. "Back in 1895 Grover Cleveland completed a six week circuit of the Chesapeake Bay - and that was back before bicycles even had seats. To beat that, Bush will have to at least place in the Tour de France," said Karen Roberts of Harvard. "That's simply not true," Thornton protested. "Bush has logged more miles on that bike than he has on the First Lady. To faithfully ride your bike while scores of American service men and women are being killed and wounded every day in a losing war - well, that takes real dedication."

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