Tuesday, October 31, 2006

More Suggestions for Philosophers

By philosophy I mean both the work of public intellectuals which is supposedly philosophical as well as popular notions which also count as being some part of philosophical discourse. I am saying that philosophy has failed on both counts. The adoption of post-modernism as a particularly vicious form of sophistry by the present ruling class (i.e., the neo-conservatives), as a means of defining and controlling discourse, ought to give every professional post-modernist not currently on the neo-con payroll a chill (that would exclude for instance Francis Fukuyama and other collaborating intellectuals.) I am saying that our present circumstances, i.e. as being ruled by the Bush-Cheney (for prison!) cabal, constitute the terminus of post-modernism in its official and its popular forms. In 2006 there is no way one can simply go off and deconstruct a cereal box without being complicit in the ongoing slaughter of hundreds of thousands of Iraqis, is what I am saying. As for the solution, I'm glad you asked. If truth is taken to be part of real-world conditions, a committment that we make in the midst of difficult and conflicting circumstances, if consciousness is an object in the world capable of theorizing and cognizing itself, one which is fundamentally open to those objects which disclose themselves to it, if art is taken to be an excellence or fulfillment or saturation of a type of living, if science can be inspired by the deep desire towards understanding the world as givenness and as gift, and if morality is the cultivation of virtue rather than a capitulation to some essence of apodictic certitude, then we are halfway towards solving our problems, halfway towards liberating this country from its death-grip in the hands of a fanatical regime and its morbidly alienated and barely entertained populist constituents (i.e. paris hilton.)

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Terrorist Ferrets Plotting Major Attacks

In a lengthy press conference yesterday President Bush vowed to take decisive action against terrorist ferrets who are allegedly plotting major attacks against the nation's living room carpet. "We will not rest," the President declared emphatically, "until these evil-doers are brought to justice. These little rascals could be hiding anywhere -- under the sofa, in the hamper, even in our kitchen cabinets, if Condi left them open. But know this: they are on the run." Terrorist ferrets are a growing problem, say intelligence experts. "The fact is that five years after 9/11, we are safer but not yet safe," said Senator John Kerry of Massachusetts. "Potted plants are still vulnerable. Shoes, keys, and other draggable items are left out in the open. Half-full water glasses are simply left sitting on ledges. These types of targets are what the terrorist ferrets are looking for. Only last week an attempted attack against the nation's laundry detergent was thwarted. What else do these little guys have planned?" Some civil libertarians have raised questions about whether defenses against ferrets suspected of planning terrorist acts have gone too far. "The fact is we have seen an alarming array of abuses against ferrets, some of whom have done nothing more than sniff around in the kitchen," said the director of the ACLU. "Curtailed playtime, treats being withheld, even scruffing of necks has all taken place under this administration. Many of these ferrets sit around in cages all day long. Is this really the America we want to live in?" Many Democrats agreed. "The fact is if we are forced to abandon the ideals which made our nation great, the terrorist ferrets will have already won," said Kerry. "And I'll never find my car keys."